The first 48

We have been home for a little over 48 hours now.  Time flies when you're having fun!  We have had moments of extreme joy and moments of anxiety and fear.  I think that's normal with newborns, let alone two month old preemie boys.

We left the hospital on Monday at a little after 3pm.  We were told that the vitamins the boys needed were available over the counter at any pharmacy so we decided to pick them up on our way home.  Two pharmacies later we headed home empty handed.  I was paranoid about the boys and their first care ride so I was wedged between them making sure they continued to breathe.  They did just fine and we all made it safely home.  The cats and Pixel greeted us at the door.  The cats were not too concerned and Pixel was interested.  We came back to our room, which Andy has dubbed "the battle station".  I have it set up to include almost everything we could need for the boys except for their fortified milk and bottles.  They each have their own pack n play with reversible napper/changer.  We fed them and settled them in.

The first 36 hours is a blur of sleeplessness, feedings, crying (the boys and me), and fun.  I have read to them from a series my dad read to me when I was little about a nodding man named Noddy.  Wow, that is a racist story!  I think I will change to reading to them from my books for now.  I've heard it's not so much what is read right now, just that they are read to.  They have also tried out their activity mat which they both enjoy.  Jacen particularly enjoys it, he loves to swing his arms at the dangling butterfly and send it flying.

This morning was their first pediatrician appointment.  I was so nervous!  We drove in our new Uplander (thank's Ron!) so I could sit in the back seat and watch the boys.  It's going to take awhile to get over the paranoia of not being able to see them.  They of course did just fine on the drive.  They are both up to 6lbs7oz and really comparable in all of their measurements.  The visit itself was very overwhelming with two boys.  Andy was handed a huge stack of paperwork to complete that took nearly the entire time.  I didn't think they were quite due for their two month shots but I was wrong.  It was awful!  Three shots in the thigh and a thing of liquid to drink.  Spencer cried the most awful cry where he didn't breathe for probably 30 seconds at least.  They have been very tired and not hungry since.  I got super worried when Jacen only ate 30mL instead of his normal 70mL but thankfully I have a wonderful support group of mom's who told me it's normal.  Being a preemie mom I think I worry more than I would have otherwise.  But honestly I'm not sure since I'm an anxious person by nature anyways.  Andy worries a lot too which isn't typical for him.  He's an amazing father.

Tonight my mom and dad brought Zoe back to us.  She has a blocked salivary gland and needed to see a specialist.  My mom was amazing enough to take her yesterday.  She unfortunately needs surgery which really worries me.  But tonight I'm able to snuggle with her again and give her belly rubs.  She's such a comfort!  She's not sure what to make of the boys yet.

Overall, at this very moment, I'm feeling pretty good.  My milk supply tanked so I'm working on ways to reestablish it until I'm able to work on breastfeeding more.  I think lack of sleep and worry didn't help matters so I'm trying to have the attitude that any breastmilk is better than none for my boys so I'm doing good no matter what.  Sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn't.  I'm also seriously trying to sleep when the boys sleep, even if it's only for 20 minutes.  I think I'm finally getting used to their noises which definitely helps.

I'm so thankful I have until July 15th to be with Andy and the boys!  I can't imagine leaving them right now and I know it will be so incredibly difficult then.  But I'm thankful I get the time now so I'm going to try to make every moment count.  This is a time we will miss one day when we look back and say they grew up so fast.