Writing

I feel this blog calling my name, I have been feeling it for quite a while.  But I struggle with what to write.  My grief over losing our precious Gavin is still so raw.  I'm able to bury it deep most of the time with my duties at work and through my pursuit of being a good wife and mom.  But the grief is never truly gone.  I find myself in such a similar place to where I was three years ago.  Due dates suck when you have no baby to hold.  But I'm not sure writing about this grief is what I need.

I squeeze my boys a little tighter and try not to take any moment for granted.  We went through so much to get them, they went through so much when they arrived.  But I struggle with what to write about them.  The story of conceiving them is more our story than theirs.  But our life stories are now so wrapped up in theirs that I worry about what they might think if they were to read this in the future.  I don't want my words to embarrass them or violate their privacy.  They are such funny, smart, amazing boys.  I have so many stories I would love to share, but I struggle with knowing if they are mine to share.

I want to write, but I don't know what to write.