The home stretch

I didn't believe it when the NICU nurses and doctors said that the journey would continue to get more frustrating as time went on.  They said the end is almost always the worst.  We have now been at the hospital every day for 58 straight days, 48 of them spent in the NICU.  Our boys are doing fantastic and we are so incredibly ready to bring them home.  We know it will be tough but we can't wait.  That's why this home stretch is so tough.

Jacen is up to 5lbs7oz and Spencer is 5lbs6oz.  They have come a long way from their 2lb13oz and 3lb3oz little selfs!  They are maintaining their temperatures perfectly, not having episodes of apnea or bradycardia, and steadily gaining weight.  The one thing they're not yet doing?  Finishing all their meals on their own without needing the feeding tube.  It doesn't help that their feeds went from 48mL of fortified breastmilk every 3 hours last week to 56mL and 58mL of pure breastmilk this week.  That's a big increase!  Andy and I know they will get there, and we are so proud of all that they have accomplished, but it's tough not to be frustrated.  We keep reminding ourselves that this isn't going to happen in our time.  We've trusted God's perfect timing up to now we need to stop second guessing him.

Breastfeeding is so far a bust and has me frustrated as well.  I weigh them before and after since 1gram supposedly equals 1mL of intake.  Both boys latch really well but then tend to fall asleep.  I love that they find me so comfortable and comforting but I need to figure out a way to keep them awake for their 30 minute meal time.  Yesterday Jacen latched perfectly and did a really good job sucking, I was so proud!  Unfortunately when I picked him up I found that the boppy was totally soaked.  The little stinker had sucked in the milk and then promptly drooled most of it out.  After 20 minutes of great breastfeeding he only actually ingested 2mL.  I have such mixed emotions about breastfeeding right now.  I desperately want to be able to do it and for it to be a success, but I also feel like it's hurting their ability to go home when they can usually take at least 1/3 of a bottle.  The lactation consultant and one of the doctors keep encouraging me to continue and I think I will.  I've been told if we exclusively bottle feed at this age there is a decent chance they would refuse to breastfeed once we get home.

I know that in a few weeks when the boys are home and we've established yet another new normal that this time will seem like it flew by.  I'm doing my best to just live in the moment and cherish every second with our precious boys.