Have you ever had one of those weeks where everything you do seems to go badly? This past week it has felt like my skin is on too tight and with one more wrong move it would split in half. Everything has felt uncomfortable and I have felt like I suck at everything.
After a day that shouldn't have been bad but somehow felt like it was I was in a horrible mood. I took Pyro for a walk but even he wasn't making things easier. I was done. So I decided to go see Bad Moms.
Best. Movie. Ever.
For reals. It's raunchy and unapologetically potty mouthed. It was perfect. Those moms are me, except way cooler. Or are they? The world puts a ton of pressure on me but I make it a million times worse. My inner monologue is a constant drum beat of disdain for my choices, words, appearance, and behavior. Nothing I do is good enough for myself. We struggled so damn much to get our boys and then I constantly feel like I'm screwing up. Like I'm screwing them up. I'm constantly mad at myself for getting frustrated, for not making the healthiest meals, for not giving them my undivided attention 100% of the time I am with them. I'm in burnout mode at home and at work. And it's all my fault. But there I go with the negativity against myself again.
I need to give myself a break. I am not the perfect mom, wife, daughter, worker, coworker, friend. And I never will be. Because perfect is not realistic. I am flawed but I love fiercely. My loved ones know how truly loved they are and that should be all that matters.
If a bit of perspective helps, whenever we are together your ability to be present with your boys amazes me. I come home and tell Clarence that I wish I had the energy to be in the moment with E&M like you are with J&S. Just remember that the things you think you are screwing up may be the things that other people see as your strengths.
ReplyDeleteIf a bit of perspective helps, whenever we are together your ability to be present with your boys amazes me. I come home and tell Clarence that I wish I had the energy to be in the moment with E&M like you are with J&S. Just remember that the things you think you are screwing up may be the things that other people see as your strengths.
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