The Due Date

Sweet Liana, tomorrow is your due date.  When I first found out I was pregnant I never thought I would make it to my due date but I was so hopeful I would make it close.  Even with our history I had hope.  I had no idea how things would work out or how I could possibly survive your loss.  But I have.  I am still here, walking amongst others, parenting your brothers, trying to be a good wife to your daddy.  I miss you so much.  Every night, as I am drifting to sleep, I imagine your face and your personality.  Would you be a mini me like your oldest brother or a firecracker like S?  We lost so much when we lost you.  We lost our dreams and our hopes for your future.  Andy and I lost our daughter and the hope of another biological child.  Your big brothers lost their little sister.  You would have rocked our world and turned it upside down.  But I would have relished every moment of it knowing how lucky I was to be your mom.  I know that I will meet you and hold you one day.  You are playing in heaven with your big brother Gavin and our first child.  You are not alone and I like to imagine all the fun you must be having being spoiled by all your great grandparents.  I love you.