Well

256.  It's not a bad number at all!  I go back Monday for a repeat.  Deep breaths and lots of prayers.

Reality

I'm flip flopping on if I want to get betas this go around.  Yesterday I was firmly decided that I did not want them.  I had them with Gavin and at first they showed everything was good.  So I don't think they would truly offer me any relief, just more worry if the number didn't feel right.  But what if this is a CP and getting a beta is my only chance to truly document that this baby existed, that s/he was here even if it was only for a short time?  This baby matters.  I want them to be real, not just a memory of a line on a pregnancy test.  But then again, what difference will it make?  Betas don't show you much of anything and I wouldn't do anything differently at this point anyway.   I wish I could be blissfully ignorant right now.

Here we go again

Just when I had reached the point of being okay with being done, we're pregnant.  No interventions and no trying.  We are an infertility cliche and I'm in shock and terrified.  I want to be excited and happy, but it's so hard.  This is my third time conceiving naturally and we all know what happened the first two times.  We know I have shitty eggs and that my RE wasn't optimistic for us conceiving a healthy baby again even with interventions.  So I know how this will likely end.  But today I am pregnant and I love this baby SO much.  Please, God.  Please.