Today Jacen and Spencer are two months old adjusted! Happy should have been birthday, boys!
I'm finally getting to work on a mommy right of passage I have wanted to do for a long time; birth announcements. Yes, I know they will be nearly five months old before anyone receives them but I don't care. We didn't get to celebrate their birth since we were so scared and worried. Then I was very protective of who got to see pictures of them. I'm well aware that to most people a 29w baby is far from cute. As precious as their faces were to us it hurt to know others wouldn't feel the same. I also definitely had a strong aversion (which continues) to anyone saying our boys are tiny, little, small etc. I just wasn't able to celebrate their birth in the midst of all the unknowns. But now, four and a half months later, I think I am finally ready to tackle this normal right of passage. I'm ready to celebrate their birth for the joyous event it has become, not for the rough start it was.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
You may have left the NICU
But the NICU experience will never leave you. Let me preface this post by saying two things: First, I honestly feel like the most blessed woman ever. My husband is wonderful, he takes care of the boys and myself 24/7. Our boys continue to grow big, strong, and healthy. But none of that changes what I lost. Second, if I know you in real life and you are pregnant or have a baby around the age of my boys this post is in no way meant against you. I promise that you have done nothing wrong.
Whew! Now that thats out of the way I can safely begin. When our boys were in the NICU I honestly didn't think too much about what life on the outside would be like. I knew it would be better but I tried to avoid thinking about how being born nearly 11w early would effect them. I couldn't wait for them to be discharged and for us to leave the confines of the hospital, where I never truly felt like Mom. But the truth is that the NICU and preemie experience doesn't stop at discharge. I don't get the "typical" mom experience. I'm constantly watchful of developmental milestones, our boys have far more appointments than a "normal" baby, and germs terrify me.
Yesterday a coworker brought her son to visit, he was born full term one week after our boys were due. It was crazy to realize our boys should be that same age. Instead of being four and a half months old they should be nearly two. Watching her carefree attitude gave me pangs of sadness. Her baby was passed around to willing hands to be smothered in well meaning kisses. I nearly had a panic attack watching. At one point the baby dropped his pacifier and someone picked it up off the ground and gave it back without even wiping it off. All those germs! I will never get to be that mom. We've been told that any sickness in the first year has a high probability of landing them back in the NICU. I am stronger, stronger than I ever imagined, but I am not that strong. Another NICU stay would push me over the edge I sometimes feel I teeter on.
I continue to be envious of the women who get to "enjoy" their third trimester. I know it must be uncomfortable and they're eager to meet their baby but it's so frustrating to hear someone complain. I can't help but think that I would have loved to be that uncomfortable, I would have loved my back hurting and them kicking my ribs. I would have loved the anticipation prior to going into labor. Instead I spent the ten days prior to their birth terrified that they might not survive, or that they would have a complicated life.
I never realized how greatly this would change our lives. Andy and I both cry every time we see the GE commercial. Memories and fears come racing back. At work I cry when reading the hospital records of a premature baby. I cried yesterday telling a coworker that never getting to take the gestational diabetes test still bothers me. I cry a lot, but that's really not unusual for me. But now I'm hit out of the blue with memories and regrets. I dont get to be the mom I imagined I would be but I know that I'm the mom God intended me to be.
Whew! Now that thats out of the way I can safely begin. When our boys were in the NICU I honestly didn't think too much about what life on the outside would be like. I knew it would be better but I tried to avoid thinking about how being born nearly 11w early would effect them. I couldn't wait for them to be discharged and for us to leave the confines of the hospital, where I never truly felt like Mom. But the truth is that the NICU and preemie experience doesn't stop at discharge. I don't get the "typical" mom experience. I'm constantly watchful of developmental milestones, our boys have far more appointments than a "normal" baby, and germs terrify me.
Yesterday a coworker brought her son to visit, he was born full term one week after our boys were due. It was crazy to realize our boys should be that same age. Instead of being four and a half months old they should be nearly two. Watching her carefree attitude gave me pangs of sadness. Her baby was passed around to willing hands to be smothered in well meaning kisses. I nearly had a panic attack watching. At one point the baby dropped his pacifier and someone picked it up off the ground and gave it back without even wiping it off. All those germs! I will never get to be that mom. We've been told that any sickness in the first year has a high probability of landing them back in the NICU. I am stronger, stronger than I ever imagined, but I am not that strong. Another NICU stay would push me over the edge I sometimes feel I teeter on.
I continue to be envious of the women who get to "enjoy" their third trimester. I know it must be uncomfortable and they're eager to meet their baby but it's so frustrating to hear someone complain. I can't help but think that I would have loved to be that uncomfortable, I would have loved my back hurting and them kicking my ribs. I would have loved the anticipation prior to going into labor. Instead I spent the ten days prior to their birth terrified that they might not survive, or that they would have a complicated life.
I never realized how greatly this would change our lives. Andy and I both cry every time we see the GE commercial. Memories and fears come racing back. At work I cry when reading the hospital records of a premature baby. I cried yesterday telling a coworker that never getting to take the gestational diabetes test still bothers me. I cry a lot, but that's really not unusual for me. But now I'm hit out of the blue with memories and regrets. I dont get to be the mom I imagined I would be but I know that I'm the mom God intended me to be.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Working mom
I have done exactly what I hate seeing in other twin blogs, I have abandoned my weekly writing. I have been all babies all the time in every free moment I have at home which does not leave a lot of blogging time. The transition back to work has been tough, I miss my boys so incredibly much. There is honestly nowhere I would rather be than with them. I have now been back at work for 14 business days, although I took yesterday off for their 4 month shots. I think we have figured out our next new normal until the next transition happens.
Jacen and Spencer are BIG boys now! Yesterday Jacen clocked in at 10lbs4oz and Spencer was 9lbs14oz. They're in 3 month clothing and size 1 diapers. Both boys are smiling and cooing all the time now. We're continuing to work with a physical therapist to improve their torticollis. Spencer loves to snuggle and kick his legs, Jacen loves to hold his head up and look around. Sunday will mark two months and one day since they came home from the hospital, which will be longer than they spent in the NICU. I'm so excited for that milestone! I am in awe of our boys every day, they're the strongest people I know!
I promise to try to write more frequently from here on out. I don't want to miss documenting anything!
Jacen and Spencer are BIG boys now! Yesterday Jacen clocked in at 10lbs4oz and Spencer was 9lbs14oz. They're in 3 month clothing and size 1 diapers. Both boys are smiling and cooing all the time now. We're continuing to work with a physical therapist to improve their torticollis. Spencer loves to snuggle and kick his legs, Jacen loves to hold his head up and look around. Sunday will mark two months and one day since they came home from the hospital, which will be longer than they spent in the NICU. I'm so excited for that milestone! I am in awe of our boys every day, they're the strongest people I know!
I promise to try to write more frequently from here on out. I don't want to miss documenting anything!
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Stay at Home Dad(SAHD) Adventures: Big small babies.
*Cough**Cough* I hear coming from Jacen's pack 'n play. I bolt to the side of his napper with Spencer in my arms nearly dropping his bottle with half his meal left in it. "Just kidding!" Jacen says with his hungry eyes as he continues on with his happy baby day. Meanwhile, Spencer has passed out before I can get back to the couch and resume his feeding. I know Jacen marks this as a sibling victory by keeping his little brother just that, little.
The boys are by no means small in Melissa and my eyes. On the contrary, they are ginormous! Probably pushing nine, maybe nine and a half pounds at this point, they have come a long way from 2lb13oz(Jacen) and 3lb3oz(Spencer). Yes, Jacen is now the older and bigger brother, and he won't let Spencer forget it. I understand why Melissa gets cross-hairs in her pupils targeting everyone who has the nerve to call our boys small, but fair is fair, they are babies, and babies are small. That won't keep her from flat out correcting anyone who dares use the "S" word on our big boys, though.
("Just kidding!")
The boys are by no means small in Melissa and my eyes. On the contrary, they are ginormous! Probably pushing nine, maybe nine and a half pounds at this point, they have come a long way from 2lb13oz(Jacen) and 3lb3oz(Spencer). Yes, Jacen is now the older and bigger brother, and he won't let Spencer forget it. I understand why Melissa gets cross-hairs in her pupils targeting everyone who has the nerve to call our boys small, but fair is fair, they are babies, and babies are small. That won't keep her from flat out correcting anyone who dares use the "S" word on our big boys, though.
("Dang! I look good and big.")
Thursday, June 28, 2012
First month stuff
We have now been home from the NICU for three and a half weeks. Time has flown by! Today they are 12 weeks old. It's amazing that our tiny little miracles are now nearly 8lb chunky monkeys!
On a few of the multiples boards I frequent I often see people asking what items are necessary for when the babies are first home. I thought I would write a blog detailing what we have found to be indispensable. In no particular order:
1. Graco pack n play with reversible napper/changing table: We bought two of these and this is where our boys sleep. The change from napper to changing table is super quick and easy to do one handed. The boys seem to enjoy sleeping in the napper. We keep extra diapers, wipes, bibs, burp blankets, lotion, pacifiers etc within the actual pack n play area.
2. Receiving blankets: Since our boys came home at just over 6lbs and were not able to use the swaddles right away. These worked great for swaddling them and keeping them warm. Now we use one for Spencer since a burp cloth is way too tiny to contain his spit up (although his reflux is greatly improved on medicine now).
3. Gerber and Just One You by Carters onesies: These two brands run thin and short so it's been perfect for our boys. Although I just bought some in 0-3month size and I think they'll outgrow them in another week or two at the most!
4. Gerber 0-6 month hats: Our boys have quickly outgrown newborn hats from other brands but 3 month hats are way too big. The Gerber's fit perfectly since you can fold up the brim if needed.
5. Nosefrida and Little Noses Saline: We came home with bulb syringes and they work okay. Several women online had recommended this "snot sucker" so I ordered it through Amazon. When I received it I was very skeptical and Andy just rolled his eyes. But it is seriously a miracle worker! Jacen was incredibly snorty and congested one night so I finally decided to try it. Let's just say that I will be buying one of these as a gift for every baby shower I attend from now on.
6. Bounty paper towels: We use them for everything from pee guard, make shift bib, napkin, spitup wiper etc. We joke that we need to buy stock in Bounty.
7. Swaddles: Once our boys hit 7lbs these have been great. With the receiving blankets they were always busting out and their toes would get very cold. With the swaddle that doesn't happen. Most of the time we swaddle them with their arms out.
8. Amazon Mom's membership: You get free two day shipping on the majority of items, a discount on diapers and wipes, discounted overnight shipping etc. I have been able to get our diapers for $0.17 each instead of the $0.28 cheapest option I've found in store. Plus they deliver! Since we currently go through 20 diapers a day that difference in price really adds up quickly.
9. Dr.Brown's formula mixing pitcher: We use this to fortify breastmilk as well as mix formula. It mixes it incredibly well so that there are no chunks left.
10. Skip Hop Duo Deluxe Diaper bag: I am seriously not a purse girl. I don't much care what it looks like as long as it functions for what I need. But I love my diaper bag! It's cute but not too girly so Andy doesn't mind holding it if need be. It easily fits several extra diapers, wipes, onesies, hats, receiving blankets, bottles, changing pad etc. It also easily attaches to our stroller so when we're out I don't have to have it weighing down my shoulder.
I'm sure there are other items but these are my favorites right now.
On a few of the multiples boards I frequent I often see people asking what items are necessary for when the babies are first home. I thought I would write a blog detailing what we have found to be indispensable. In no particular order:
1. Graco pack n play with reversible napper/changing table: We bought two of these and this is where our boys sleep. The change from napper to changing table is super quick and easy to do one handed. The boys seem to enjoy sleeping in the napper. We keep extra diapers, wipes, bibs, burp blankets, lotion, pacifiers etc within the actual pack n play area.
2. Receiving blankets: Since our boys came home at just over 6lbs and were not able to use the swaddles right away. These worked great for swaddling them and keeping them warm. Now we use one for Spencer since a burp cloth is way too tiny to contain his spit up (although his reflux is greatly improved on medicine now).
3. Gerber and Just One You by Carters onesies: These two brands run thin and short so it's been perfect for our boys. Although I just bought some in 0-3month size and I think they'll outgrow them in another week or two at the most!
4. Gerber 0-6 month hats: Our boys have quickly outgrown newborn hats from other brands but 3 month hats are way too big. The Gerber's fit perfectly since you can fold up the brim if needed.
5. Nosefrida and Little Noses Saline: We came home with bulb syringes and they work okay. Several women online had recommended this "snot sucker" so I ordered it through Amazon. When I received it I was very skeptical and Andy just rolled his eyes. But it is seriously a miracle worker! Jacen was incredibly snorty and congested one night so I finally decided to try it. Let's just say that I will be buying one of these as a gift for every baby shower I attend from now on.
6. Bounty paper towels: We use them for everything from pee guard, make shift bib, napkin, spitup wiper etc. We joke that we need to buy stock in Bounty.
7. Swaddles: Once our boys hit 7lbs these have been great. With the receiving blankets they were always busting out and their toes would get very cold. With the swaddle that doesn't happen. Most of the time we swaddle them with their arms out.
8. Amazon Mom's membership: You get free two day shipping on the majority of items, a discount on diapers and wipes, discounted overnight shipping etc. I have been able to get our diapers for $0.17 each instead of the $0.28 cheapest option I've found in store. Plus they deliver! Since we currently go through 20 diapers a day that difference in price really adds up quickly.
9. Dr.Brown's formula mixing pitcher: We use this to fortify breastmilk as well as mix formula. It mixes it incredibly well so that there are no chunks left.
10. Skip Hop Duo Deluxe Diaper bag: I am seriously not a purse girl. I don't much care what it looks like as long as it functions for what I need. But I love my diaper bag! It's cute but not too girly so Andy doesn't mind holding it if need be. It easily fits several extra diapers, wipes, onesies, hats, receiving blankets, bottles, changing pad etc. It also easily attaches to our stroller so when we're out I don't have to have it weighing down my shoulder.
I'm sure there are other items but these are my favorites right now.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Appointments out the wazoo
I'm not quite sure what a wazoo is, but we have had so many appointments this week! We're feeling a bit run down and are really looking forward to a Saturday with zero plans.
On monday we got to have lunch with a dear friend and her husband. I met her on an online loss support board over a year ago and she just moved to town. She is due with a little girl in July and I am so excited to have a mommy friend close by! She was just as sweet in person as I knew she would be and her husband was great too. We really enjoyed getting out and having lunch with them. I think it was the highlight of my week! She even brought me some of her famous whoopie pies. I had never had one before but they were absolutely delicious!
After lunch the boys had their eye appointment. It went really well and they won't need to be seen again until they are 9 months old. At that point they'll likely be completely released until they're school age. Since every single member of both sides of our family wear glasses/contacts I'm sure they are destined to as well. But I'm so glad they don't have any vision problems related to their prematurity.
Tuesday was our one non busy day. We relaxed and then were lucky enough to have another friend come visit. She snuggled the boys with me and even brought us food. We are very blessed to have her in our lives. I can't wait until she visits again!
Wednesday was the first ECI visit. On their scale Jacen was up to 7lbs7oz and Spencer was 7lbs5oz. Growing boys! They both qualify for twice monthly physical therapy because they prefer turning their heads to the right. Both have tightening of the neck muscles. So the therapy will work on loosening them and teaching us what we can do to help. Spencer will also get assistance in coping with his surroundings. The evaluator thinks that he gets easily stressed out. I'm not sure we 100% agree he's as bad as she thought, but there is a difference between how Jacen and Spencer interact with their environments when not in their comfort zone.
On Thursday we were lucky enough to have a newborn (even though they're technically 11 weeks old!) photo shoot with Hillarry at Silver Bee Photography. She was looking to add more twins to her portfolio so we were able to get a free photo shoot and will get 10 complimentary photos. She has the patience of a saint! The entire shoot took about four hours but it was very relaxed and calm. Interestingly enough she uses an audio recording of a vacuum cleaner to help calm the babies. It worked like a charm! I can't wait to see the final images. I'm sure it will be very difficult to choose only ten.
Today did not turn out the way we had planned. Spencer's spit up has turned into full scale projectile vomiting on a regular basis after feeding. So today we had a pediatrician visit to discuss reflux. Due to the severity I described they wanted us to immediately head in for an ultrasound and barium study of his stomach. The doctor cautioned that he might have pyloric hypertrophy and require surgery. I was very freaked out but I tried to keep calm. We had been scheduled to go to a prematurity clinic but we had to cancel the appointment. Thankfully he "just" has severe reflux. The pyloric area did show a spasm so we will be watching him closely but at this point surgery is in no way indicated. In 30 minutes he will start his first dose of Prilosec. We are hoping it works quickly and he starts to feel better soon! But we have been cautioned that it can take up to two weeks to see a real difference.
Zoe had her surgery on wednesday and is doing well. She had to have a drain placed due to some extra swelling and is on quite a few medications. My mom is taking care of her at least through the weekend, which I am so thankful for. But I miss her so much! I can't wait to have the whole family reunited again.
Thankfully next week should be much more relaxed and calm. Did I really just write calm when we have twin boys?
On monday we got to have lunch with a dear friend and her husband. I met her on an online loss support board over a year ago and she just moved to town. She is due with a little girl in July and I am so excited to have a mommy friend close by! She was just as sweet in person as I knew she would be and her husband was great too. We really enjoyed getting out and having lunch with them. I think it was the highlight of my week! She even brought me some of her famous whoopie pies. I had never had one before but they were absolutely delicious!
After lunch the boys had their eye appointment. It went really well and they won't need to be seen again until they are 9 months old. At that point they'll likely be completely released until they're school age. Since every single member of both sides of our family wear glasses/contacts I'm sure they are destined to as well. But I'm so glad they don't have any vision problems related to their prematurity.
Tuesday was our one non busy day. We relaxed and then were lucky enough to have another friend come visit. She snuggled the boys with me and even brought us food. We are very blessed to have her in our lives. I can't wait until she visits again!
Wednesday was the first ECI visit. On their scale Jacen was up to 7lbs7oz and Spencer was 7lbs5oz. Growing boys! They both qualify for twice monthly physical therapy because they prefer turning their heads to the right. Both have tightening of the neck muscles. So the therapy will work on loosening them and teaching us what we can do to help. Spencer will also get assistance in coping with his surroundings. The evaluator thinks that he gets easily stressed out. I'm not sure we 100% agree he's as bad as she thought, but there is a difference between how Jacen and Spencer interact with their environments when not in their comfort zone.
On Thursday we were lucky enough to have a newborn (even though they're technically 11 weeks old!) photo shoot with Hillarry at Silver Bee Photography. She was looking to add more twins to her portfolio so we were able to get a free photo shoot and will get 10 complimentary photos. She has the patience of a saint! The entire shoot took about four hours but it was very relaxed and calm. Interestingly enough she uses an audio recording of a vacuum cleaner to help calm the babies. It worked like a charm! I can't wait to see the final images. I'm sure it will be very difficult to choose only ten.
Today did not turn out the way we had planned. Spencer's spit up has turned into full scale projectile vomiting on a regular basis after feeding. So today we had a pediatrician visit to discuss reflux. Due to the severity I described they wanted us to immediately head in for an ultrasound and barium study of his stomach. The doctor cautioned that he might have pyloric hypertrophy and require surgery. I was very freaked out but I tried to keep calm. We had been scheduled to go to a prematurity clinic but we had to cancel the appointment. Thankfully he "just" has severe reflux. The pyloric area did show a spasm so we will be watching him closely but at this point surgery is in no way indicated. In 30 minutes he will start his first dose of Prilosec. We are hoping it works quickly and he starts to feel better soon! But we have been cautioned that it can take up to two weeks to see a real difference.
Zoe had her surgery on wednesday and is doing well. She had to have a drain placed due to some extra swelling and is on quite a few medications. My mom is taking care of her at least through the weekend, which I am so thankful for. But I miss her so much! I can't wait to have the whole family reunited again.
Thankfully next week should be much more relaxed and calm. Did I really just write calm when we have twin boys?
Monday, June 18, 2012
Meal Train
If there are two things new parents need, it would be food and contact from the outside world, and our church is providing both through a program called a "Meal Train". I'm pretty sure that's what it's called. I've seen plenty of meals but not many trains, unless they mean the meals generously coming one after another are like cars on a train. In that case, I have seen and eaten a very tasty train.
Melissa and I had heard about the program on different occasions while we were at church on Sundays, but we never inquired further. We figured we didn't know people well enough to bring food to their house in their times of need, but we've come to realize it's at those times when a semi-stranger's generosity is needed and appreciated most.
We have been so blessed to already have four deliveries of food brought to our front door by members of our church who we would maybe see once a week, shake their hands, and say good morning. This program definitely creates bonds between people who would otherwise just be acquaintances. How can you not invite someone inside and get to know them better when they just brought enough delicious food for multiple meals?
As new parents, this is among the greatest ideas we've ever been blessed to be a part of, and we can't wait to participate in future Meal Trains for other members of our family at our church of worship.
Melissa and I had heard about the program on different occasions while we were at church on Sundays, but we never inquired further. We figured we didn't know people well enough to bring food to their house in their times of need, but we've come to realize it's at those times when a semi-stranger's generosity is needed and appreciated most.
We have been so blessed to already have four deliveries of food brought to our front door by members of our church who we would maybe see once a week, shake their hands, and say good morning. This program definitely creates bonds between people who would otherwise just be acquaintances. How can you not invite someone inside and get to know them better when they just brought enough delicious food for multiple meals?
As new parents, this is among the greatest ideas we've ever been blessed to be a part of, and we can't wait to participate in future Meal Trains for other members of our family at our church of worship.
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